Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
