I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
