If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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