How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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