I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
