Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
