My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize