I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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