You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
