He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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