i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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