I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
