on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
