Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
