Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
