He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
