If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
