i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
