Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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