Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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