Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
