I need help removing her.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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