He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
