i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
