when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
