It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
