You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
