I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
