I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
