I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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