Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
