I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
