doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
