if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize