when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
