Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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