her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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