Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
