And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
