I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
