I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
