It's Friday. Sex?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Oh god it's open bar.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
