never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
