go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
