I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
