Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
