I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
How naked do you want me to be?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
