just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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