How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
