I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
