You just made me feel so damn special
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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