Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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