this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
