Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
