low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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