I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
