Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
this boner is exhausting
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So many bounce houses so little time
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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