I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
