i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
