She is in my trunk
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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