When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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