I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
