she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
