I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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