There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
