I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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