How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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