It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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