We're like a lot better than the average bears
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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