I checked into jail on foursquare
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
