oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
