Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
