i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
