doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
