So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think I am morally bankrupt
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
