At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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