i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize