I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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